Quack! Online

2006-04-15T18:15:03Z

Quack! Online has a new home at quackonline.net. Details about this shift will soon come.

Information about the technical backend can be found here.

Comments Closed

2006-04-14T09:11:33Z

Comments are closed while we initiate the migration process.

Update: We've bought a new domain, and are in process of shifting the current data to it. If you're really interested in seeing it now, you can email me.

Nerd Speaks Again

2006-04-13T13:54:02Z

I have four minutes before my class starts. My body begs for caffeine. I decide to part with money. Four people ahead of me, I pay no attention to them and try to buy my tea. I'm no mood to talk even though they seem interested in conversation. It strains my face when ever I have to put on the extra cheery mask. Maybe they won't notice me.
"HELLO!! WHAT'S UP?"
No such luck.
"Um, Nothing Much."
Time to put on the mask; it would have been so much easier if I had split personality syndrome. Come to think of it people are always telling me that I'm a different person online. Sort of like a lounge lizard that preys on unsuspecting women, my lounge being msn and the hotel room is orkut.
"DID YOU HEAR WHAT I JUST SAID??"

]]> The shrieking figure in front of me just spat tea on my white shirt while screeching.
"Sorry I was just thinking about something I got a huge report to do Oops I got a class have to go bye."
I'm out of breath.
I get to the class and the instructor marks me absent because my name has already been called out. I slump onto a seat. Six minutes into the class and I'm looking at this fat man's mannequin who is opening and closing his mouth and I can't hear a word he's saying. The volume has been turned down. In space time continuum they say that time does not exist, I'm here 50 miles away from humanity in a place where people are asking themselves the same questions Plato was asking when he got home to his wife.
"Why am I here?"
"..... if sufficient twist is applied to a yarn it is called optimum...."
Unbelievable.
This dude here has been teaching the same course for 7 years and he says the exact same thing to every class he teaches. I know this because Ali knows this. But more on that dude later.
I get up with the sea
I find a marker and start making doodles on the bench in front.
"Freedom is slavery"
"Life is Death"
"Brad Pitt is Gay" I know he isn't but I still hate him.
"You do realize you're destroying college property."
I look up and see a mug shot. The dude could have been a thug if he wanted to; he's got it all the build the drive the ambition the walk the talk....
"So have you done Nana's assignment?"
"No not yet."
Yet here he is asking me about an assignment that has no actual purpose or place in the real world and he's showing concern.
Saad was a big kid living in the toughest part of town. He made it a point that he was not to be threatened by anyone or anything, that worked given his physique. One problem, his Mom. A true Stalin if there ever was. She made him go to school and ensured that he got the best grades. Her favorite weapon when he was disobedient was a large bunch of keys, right on the noggin! Given the fact he's not retarded and except for the occasional fit, he's a pretty nice guy.
"So you wanna go to the café and make fun of chicks? I heard that there is a crier in the new batch!"
Girls hate him though. I don't blame them, yet I really don't feel sorry for them. Why should I they just don't give a chance to a guy like him. They don't have the fortitude to find out what kind of guy he is? So I guess the only way to get back at them is to make em cry.
We're walking towards the café and I spy the shirker, I shrink in to the background and hide behind Saad's moving figure.
Like a Predator on it prowl, hunting for the game, he moves graceful. This is going to be better then a National Geographic special. He spots his prey and the hunt is on.

No School Tommorow

2006-04-11T19:19:43Z

Classes are cancelled this Wednesday, April 12, due to the riots following the Bomb Blast at Religious Gathering.

Update: Classes are also off on Friday. This Saturday will follow Friday's timetable.

Rules of Commenting

2006-04-11T12:37:30Z

Commenting's fun! If you're not doing it yet, do it already! Contribute something!

Rules of commenting, adapted from Avalonstar.

Stay on-topic.
Real names are a trend these days, I'd appreciate it if you'd use yours. Not a rule, but rather a request.
"Anonymous Coward" - If that's your usual nickname, forget about posting here.
Stay on-topic. Oh wait, I already said that. Well, it's so important it deserves two places.
Contribute to the discussion. "This article sucks you bitch," does not apply as a comment that would contribute to any discussion.
Please, just don't be a complete and utter idiot. You're human right? Act like a civilized one. To get to the point, if your comment looks like spam, it'll be treated as such.

Thesis Blues

2006-04-10T20:00:39Z

On notice boards

2006-04-06T11:28:38Z

Dear Umair Saeed,

Regarding your notice regarding notices on the notice boards, you say that students cannot post notices anywhere besides the TISF notice board. I have some points in contention:

1. What about student notices that are not TISF notices?

For example, the TISF has declared that Quack!, the student newspaper, is not a TISF publication and this the TISF does not recognize Quack! So where does Quack! go?

]]> Moreover, with Quack often running into 6-8 pages, there is very little space on the notice boards to put up much.

There are also other student activities that are not recognized by the TISF as student activities. For example, if I, as a student, want to make a film on campus, where would my poster asking for auditions be placed? Ideally, as the TISF is meant to be a student representative body, all students activities are automatically student activities, thus negating this very question.

As a suggestion, could the students have an extra-large notice board in the cafeteria to put up Quack! and other 'junk' notices (like birthday announcements!).

2. There are also some notices that are not really "announcements", but are nice to have around campus anyway. Where do these go?

For example, some students recently started a student comic strip. This consisted of 14 pages. Imagine the kind of space that would take up on a notice board.

There are also notices that are planned to be put up regarding environmental awareness. Some of these are planned to be put up in the cafeteria, such as the ones asking people to return their food trays to the tray stands, and to eat clean. These notices won't be very effective in the TISF notice board. These notices are best placed on the walls in the cafeteria itself.

These kind of notices help liven up the campus.

Your thoughts on the notices on the notice boards are appreciated.

Sincerely,

Abid Omar

Plantation Campaign News

2006-04-06T11:19:56Z

Hey listen up people, as you all know that the plantation campaign is in full swings. The incentive of this article is just to clarify the confusion about our plan. Basically we have collected Rs.150 for a Neem tree. This includes the cost of land improvements that is leveling of the ground, the additional soil cost, the manure cost and the transport cost. Those who are interested in planting more than one tree, they can donate more accordingly. After planting one tree along with the plaque (that would have your name and personalized message on it), if some money remains, we will use it to plant some more trees by your name. These trees will line up on both sides of the pathway where we board the buses, and if we succeed in collecting enough money, we'll plant some trees on the hostel side as well. This is the Season 1 of our campaign. If this succeeds, the next would be Season 2 that would include plantation creepers, flowering shrubs and foliage. So please contribute as much as you can!

By Nargis Noor of TMM1 (Teee Mmmmm Mmmmm One)

TIP's Personal Bermuda Triangle

2006-04-05T16:20:11Z

An open letter to the person (persons) who stole my cellphone, wallet, pokerchips, and book from outside the library.

Dear (insert expletive here),
May you go bald, cross eyed, bow-legged and may your girlfriend (or boyfriend) dump you publicly in a highly humiliating manner. Amen.

Cursing you profusely,

Hira Saiyed (TDT 1)

It seems that orange, flowery, over-sized bags are the main targets of all the thieves in TIP, because mine has been hit not less than 3 times. The cubicles outside the library serve as the happy hunting grounds of all of this tiny community's lowlifes, and it also serves as an irony that though the library itself is covered by security cameras, there's not a single one outside where most of the action takes place.

]]> So while our librarian enjoys reality television, anybody can open up somebody else's bag and help himself to whatever he/she pleases. The librarians blame the management, the management blames the idiot who was stupid enough to leave their bag outside the library (hel-lo? What are the cubicles for, then?) and the idiot blames the world in general for being greedy, callous, and so friggn' thoughtless.

I guess there's no point stressing the fact that most of us are Muslims and know perfectly well that stealing is against our religion; it's also futile pointing out that basic moral values dictates that what is not yours is not yours to pick up and take away. Aren't we taught that much in kindergarten? "Stealing is bad...stealing is wrong...stealing leads you to hell..."

Like I said, there's no point telling people who are already aware that stealing is a sin that it's a sin. But I'd like to warn people

not to leave anything valuable outside the library cubicles
keep locks on their bags if possible, and
not to carry a lot of money around the campus.

Also, I think it's about time the management did something about the area around the library. If we're forbidden to bring our bags and folders inside, the least they can do is ensure that our belongings are completely safe outside. A properly placed security camera would at least provide an identity to the nameless, faceless specters haunting our campus halls.

The Book Club presented...!

2006-04-05T08:59:20Z

The Friendly People of the Book Club (or the FPBC) presented "Murder on the Orient Express" this Friday in Lecture Room 2. Based on Agatha Christie's book of the same name, the film features probably fiction's greatest detective since Sherlock Holmes, Hercule Poirot.

]]> Traveling on the Orient Express during winter, Hercule Poirot is caught in a snow drift with 12 potential murderers and is given 12 hours to find the actual killer.

The twist comes when it seems EVERYBODY wanted the victim (so-called victim; it seems he was a murderer himself) dead.

And thus we have a complete hotchpotch which is basically the trademark of all Christie's novels. Albert Finney is almost unrecognizable with Hercule Poirot's 'unmistakable' moustache, and the characters show more dimension then usual mystery novels allow.

Overall, the event was a success. The capacity of the room and the nature of the movie meant a limited (and even interested audience). It actually felt good to be able to watch and hear the movie, rather than watch the movie and hear the catcalls. One has to commend Ali Hakeem, he did one hell of a good job.

Nerd Speak

2006-04-04T18:40:40Z

I wake up, head groggy with too much sleep or too little of it, I can’t tell. My mouth feels funny; I taste old food and dry saliva. I look in the mirror & see something that resembles a human being, getting wet doesn’t help.
I open the closet & decide what to wear. I already wore that last week. I don’t think anyone would have noticed but you can never tell…
I look back at the person staring back at me; a face that looks like it’s been seen unnecessarily too many times. I hate him already.
It’s seven in the morning but I already feel sick. The smoke in my face burns my eyes & I taste diesel. I destroy muscle trying to catch my ride but I still end up shelling out 50 to a sweaty-grinning-ruddy-faced pathan.
I get in the bus. Faces hit me like someone prodding an old wound. I sit down quickly and stare into space. When ever the bus jerked a little too much I prayed for a head on collision. A teacher splattered onto a wind shield, body parts of students cut up, flying debris, blood and oil, body fat on burnt ragzine, HEY have you seen that Chickni Bachi Yaar that looks like Sushmita! The Driver is still avoiding death so far, so I guess I’ll have to kill time by listening to this dude describing some chick’s butt. This is a Normal day.

“This is your life, and it’s ending one minute at a time.”

I shake hands with every Guy that gets on the bus after me. A ceremonial thing, maybe because it’s supposed to infuse a sense of brotherhood or something, I take their sweaty, dry or wet palms in a warm gesture of goodwill. God knows how many times they’ve dug into their nostrils with those?

After wasting two hours of my life and feeling my bladder begging for mercy with every lurch of the van, I run like HELL! Yesterdays feces and old urine hit my nose; I breathe with my mouth while a cockroach greets me by waving his feelers. The Graffiti tells me who’s hot and who’s a bitch so I have something to read. Not a bad way to start the morning, who says I don’t read? This is better then the Bullitin Board! And Entertaining!!
With every moment I’m on the look out, hoping no one will take a picture of me in the cubicle with his cell phone. I hear a shutter click; loud curses and it seems I’m safe for the day. Hair covered soap and a leaky faucet await me, while I steal another look at the monster. This is going to be a long day.

Graduated to ignorance

2006-03-29T15:20:32Z

By Kargas TMM-4

People like Ercelawn, Zaidi and Ahmed come unstuck when they try to persuade the ones with feudal mindset. Be it the heinous practice of Karo Kari or the pros and cons of the infamous KBD, this ill-minded clique sticks to its guns anyways. It is no joke that just after two months; Eqbal Ahmad's TIP will turn out some graduates who deem Karo Kari a sacred and a holy tradition and defend its observance on Islamic basis. One wonders if it has any truck with Islam. A comrade confused Karo Kari with the Hudood imposed in the holy Book, being ignorant of the fact that those Hudood were to be executed by the State Judiciary in compliance with the law of the land, and not by the subjects of the State on their own.

Similarly an "acclaimed-chauvinist" of TIP had words with Aly Ercelawn as he, allegedly, declared himself a nationalist first and then anything like Muslim. This comment really annoyed the self-styled defender of the land & belief. He blew up at the Professor at full blast right there and then. Afterwards, he emailed Aly and "abused" him on his non-conformist views. It should be noted that this chap attended neither of the held lectures. He would come only in the last five minutes of the Q/A session and feel free to pass judgments on the issue as well as the speaker. When asked by this scribe if he knew either MAF capacity or MW power generation of the much debated KBD, an expressionless face narrated his tall story.

Such ill-literate, brain-washed and know-it-all type graduates are a slap in the face of our civil society.

What Are We?

2006-03-26T14:13:36Z

The philosophy behind the inception of The Book Club is to attract those who love to read and those who don't, so that both groups could get to know what is unknown to them. This will require active participation on all the members' part. Here are a few guidelines that will help you stay up-to-date with activities.

]]> • Discussions/polls for selection of forthcoming movies/books will be done online at quack.offroadpakistan.com after the lists of have been uploaded.

• The book that earns the highest ratings in the polls will be declared the book of the month and reading schedules will be announced to facilitate the readers.

• All the movies played by the Book Club will be strictly novel based. Members will be requested to cast their votes online.

• All the members are requested to visit the website quack.offroadpakistan.com/book_club frequently so that they could participate in the activities.

• Suggestions regarding any of the activities can be posted online or contact us.

The Friendly People of The Book Club Present:

2006-03-26T14:04:00Z

]]> The Date has been Set & The Fun Is About To Begin!

We want Human Sacrifice!

2006-03-23T20:13:10Z

By Mohsin Ali Sadiq, TS2B

Yes, human sacrifice was made on Saturday, 18th March when the TIP basket-ball team went up against Mehran University in the 1st game of the HEC basket-ball tournament and lost by a score of 23 - 06 or to quote an Urdu saying, "bakre ki balli char gayi".

Friday started with a lot of confusion when our captain Shayan had to drop out of the squad due to a family emergency. The lineup was short of two regular players as it is and with Shayan gone, the team was left with Aasim Ahmed and yours truly. There was a point in the day, when it was decided that the team wouldn't go as the players hadn't had enough practice and we didn't have a complete starting lineup. The players, all packed up to leave for home, suddenly received the breaking news at the end of the day that TIP is required to participate as we had been given the grand honour of the opening game of the tournament and playing before the chief guests.

]]> Accompanied by tension and drama, our team left for Hyderabad on Friday evening at around 6. The squad was lead by our newly appointed coach Sir Yousuf Khan and consisted of Aasim Ahmed and myself, Amar Ata (TMM-2), Adnan Dohadwala and Saad Siddique (TS-3B), Dara Amir Khan and Haziq of AMM-1 and our beloved cheerleader/photographer Schallim Reuben.

The expectations were low and since we were going just for the sake of participation, we tried to chill out once we got to Hyderabad. Our coach tried to make sure we had a good time and kept our spirits high. I met a few old friends and ex-team mates, which is always good. Friday night was well spent considering the day and the journey we had been through.

Saturday started in similar fashion and we tried to make the best of the breakfast we had and tried not to think about what lay ahead. I knew that we were in an uphill battle but I didn't know it would be this bad. When we got to the court, I was shocked to find that I had been nominated as the captain of the team. Now I have done a lot to promote this sport in TIP but I never expected it would put such a big responsibility on my shoulders. The match started at around 11 and we had lost it from the beginning. The opposition was an average team and their efforts were ordinary but we were the team that appeared to have no sense of the game whatsoever. We tried playing as a team; rotating the ball, being un-selfish, but we were dis-functional and dis-oriented and made a complete mockery of the sport. Aasim and I tried to make things happen at our end but our attacks were too monotonous for the opposition and we failed to score anything. The 1st quarter ended with the score: Mehran University 6 and TIP nothing.

The 2nd quarter started with a bang: I got hit pretty bad in the groin while trying to block a shot. I was substituted and Amar come into the game. This time around, they weren't as forgiving as 1st quarter. Yet they were unable to convert many open chances. TIP got possession in bits and pieces but the turnover rate was too high. Amar and Aasim got a couple of free throws but neither of them was able to put points on the board. The half ended with the score: Mehran University 15, TIP 0.
The start of the 3rd quarter was the same: Mehran University had most of the possession but they were continually missing their shots. Atleast they were taking chances unlike us. The only sense of life was coming from our coach Sir Yousuf Khan, who was yelling his heart out to his players, telling them what to do. Then lightening struck and Dara scored for TIP finally breaking the knot. TIP started to get some support from my friends in the crowd when I was sent back in the dying seconds of the quarter. The quarter ended with the score: Mehran University 21, TIP 2.

The last quarter is probably was undoubtedly the most dramatic. Personally speaking, I was tired of being the defensive play-making guard. I hadn't tried to score once in the game but that was about to change. It took a kick in the groin to tell me it was time the tables turned. And they did, as we somehow clicked as a team out of the blue and suddenly Mehran University started turning over the ball. Amar penetrated the defense like a real pro, Haziq and Aasim stole the ball a few times, Dara got some rebounds and I chipped in with a few steals and a rebound. Still, we were unable to put more points on the board. Thanks to my ex-team mates, the crowd seemed to chant my name every time I got the ball and I thank God I didn't disappoint them. I got the chance to score late in the 4th quarter. I took two shots and sunk them both down the rim. I roared to the crowd and they responded with a loud cheer. We let Mehran University score only once in the quarter and the match ended with the score: Mehran University 23, TIP 6.

I caught up with my old friends when we went for refreshments and they said I shook the crowd out of their sleep. One of them said that I was the winner in the last quarter. Although what my friend said about me being the winner was actually an attempt to mock me but I hate to admit; the moment felt real nice and I felt good about myself. But it doesn't undo the fact that the "Capo di tutti capi" failed to deliver. For all those who don't hang out with Schallim, capo di tutti capi means "the boss of all bosses".

There were a few setbacks in the match: Aasim penetrated beautifully but was unable to convert the opportunities he got, I got kicked in my nuts before I started producing any results, we were unable to get into the zone with the ball in our hands, there was a lot of confusion among the newly drafted players etc.

In spite of what happened, I will say this: If victory belonged to the spirited, then we were unbeatable that day. But I'm afraid there's more to a win than just being in high spirits.

PS. Schallim, you'll always be the real "Capo di tutti capi" ;)