Quack! Online
Quack! Online has a new home at quackonline.net. Details about this shift will soon come.
Register yourself at the Quack! Online Forums to get the conversation flowing.
Information about the technical backend can be found here.
April 15, 2006
April 14, 2006
Comments Closed
Comments are closed while we initiate the migration process.
Update: We've bought a new domain, and are in process of shifting the current data to it. If you're really interested in seeing it now, you can email me.
April 13, 2006
Nerd Speaks Again
I have four minutes before my class starts. My body begs for caffeine. I decide to part with money. Four people ahead of me, I pay no attention to them and try to buy my tea. I'm no mood to talk even though they seem interested in conversation. It strains my face when ever I have to put on the extra cheery mask. Maybe they won't notice me.
"HELLO!! WHAT'S UP?"
No such luck.
"Um, Nothing Much."
Time to put on the mask; it would have been so much easier if I had split personality syndrome. Come to think of it people are always telling me that I'm a different person online. Sort of like a lounge lizard that preys on unsuspecting women, my lounge being msn and the hotel room is orkut.
"DID YOU HEAR WHAT I JUST SAID??"
The shrieking figure in front of me just spat tea on my white shirt while screeching.
"Sorry I was just thinking about something I got a huge report to do Oops I got a class have to go bye."
I'm out of breath.
I get to the class and the instructor marks me absent because my name has already been called out. I slump onto a seat. Six minutes into the class and I'm looking at this fat man's mannequin who is opening and closing his mouth and I can't hear a word he's saying. The volume has been turned down. In space time continuum they say that time does not exist, I'm here 50 miles away from humanity in a place where people are asking themselves the same questions Plato was asking when he got home to his wife.
"Why am I here?"
"..... if sufficient twist is applied to a yarn it is called optimum...."
Unbelievable.
This dude here has been teaching the same course for 7 years and he says the exact same thing to every class he teaches. I know this because Ali knows this. But more on that dude later.
I get up with the sea
I find a marker and start making doodles on the bench in front.
"Freedom is slavery"
"Life is Death"
"Brad Pitt is Gay" I know he isn't but I still hate him.
"You do realize you're destroying college property."
I look up and see a mug shot. The dude could have been a thug if he wanted to; he's got it all the build the drive the ambition the walk the talk....
"So have you done Nana's assignment?"
"No not yet."
Yet here he is asking me about an assignment that has no actual purpose or place in the real world and he's showing concern.
Saad was a big kid living in the toughest part of town. He made it a point that he was not to be threatened by anyone or anything, that worked given his physique. One problem, his Mom. A true Stalin if there ever was. She made him go to school and ensured that he got the best grades. Her favorite weapon when he was disobedient was a large bunch of keys, right on the noggin! Given the fact he's not retarded and except for the occasional fit, he's a pretty nice guy.
"So you wanna go to the café and make fun of chicks? I heard that there is a crier in the new batch!"
Girls hate him though. I don't blame them, yet I really don't feel sorry for them. Why should I they just don't give a chance to a guy like him. They don't have the fortitude to find out what kind of guy he is? So I guess the only way to get back at them is to make em cry.
We're walking towards the café and I spy the shirker, I shrink in to the background and hide behind Saad's moving figure.
Like a Predator on it prowl, hunting for the game, he moves graceful. This is going to be better then a National Geographic special. He spots his prey and the hunt is on.
April 12, 2006
No School Tommorow
Classes are cancelled this Wednesday, April 12, due to the riots following the Bomb Blast at Religious Gathering.
Update: Classes are also off on Friday. This Saturday will follow Friday's timetable.
April 11, 2006
Rules of Commenting
Commenting's fun! If you're not doing it yet, do it already! Contribute something!
Rules of commenting, adapted from Avalonstar.
- Stay on-topic.
- Real names are a trend these days, I'd appreciate it if you'd use yours. Not a rule, but rather a request.
- "Anonymous Coward" - If that's your usual nickname, forget about posting here.
- Stay on-topic. Oh wait, I already said that. Well, it's so important it deserves two places.
- Contribute to the discussion. "This article sucks you bitch," does not apply as a comment that would contribute to any discussion.
- Please, just don't be a complete and utter idiot. You're human right? Act like a civilized one. To get to the point, if your comment looks like spam, it'll be treated as such.
Thesis Blues
April 06, 2006
On notice boards
Dear Umair Saeed,
Regarding your notice regarding notices on the notice boards, you say that students cannot post notices anywhere besides the TISF notice board. I have some points in contention:
1. What about student notices that are not TISF notices?
For example, the TISF has declared that Quack!, the student newspaper, is not a TISF publication and this the TISF does not recognize Quack! So where does Quack! go?
Moreover, with Quack often running into 6-8 pages, there is very little space on the notice boards to put up much.
There are also other student activities that are not recognized by the TISF as student activities. For example, if I, as a student, want to make a film on campus, where would my poster asking for auditions be placed? Ideally, as the TISF is meant to be a student representative body, all students activities are automatically student activities, thus negating this very question.
As a suggestion, could the students have an extra-large notice board in the cafeteria to put up Quack! and other 'junk' notices (like birthday announcements!).
2. There are also some notices that are not really "announcements", but are nice to have around campus anyway. Where do these go?
For example, some students recently started a student comic strip. This consisted of 14 pages. Imagine the kind of space that would take up on a notice board.
There are also notices that are planned to be put up regarding environmental awareness. Some of these are planned to be put up in the cafeteria, such as the ones asking people to return their food trays to the tray stands, and to eat clean. These notices won't be very effective in the TISF notice board. These notices are best placed on the walls in the cafeteria itself.
These kind of notices help liven up the campus.
Your thoughts on the notices on the notice boards are appreciated.
Sincerely,
Abid Omar
Plantation Campaign News
Hey listen up people, as you all know that the plantation campaign is in full swings. The incentive of this article is just to clarify the confusion about our plan. Basically we have collected Rs.150 for a Neem tree. This includes the cost of land improvements that is leveling of the ground, the additional soil cost, the manure cost and the transport cost. Those who are interested in planting more than one tree, they can donate more accordingly. After planting one tree along with the plaque (that would have your name and personalized message on it), if some money remains, we will use it to plant some more trees by your name. These trees will line up on both sides of the pathway where we board the buses, and if we succeed in collecting enough money, we'll plant some trees on the hostel side as well. This is the Season 1 of our campaign. If this succeeds, the next would be Season 2 that would include plantation creepers, flowering shrubs and foliage. So please contribute as much as you can!
By Nargis Noor of TMM1 (Teee Mmmmm Mmmmm One)
April 05, 2006
TIP's Personal Bermuda Triangle
An open letter to the person (persons) who stole my cellphone, wallet, pokerchips, and book from outside the library.
Dear (insert expletive here),May you go bald, cross eyed, bow-legged and may your girlfriend (or boyfriend) dump you publicly in a highly humiliating manner. Amen.
Cursing you profusely,
Hira Saiyed (TDT 1)
It seems that orange, flowery, over-sized bags are the main targets of all the thieves in TIP, because mine has been hit not less than 3 times. The cubicles outside the library serve as the happy hunting grounds of all of this tiny community's lowlifes, and it also serves as an irony that though the library itself is covered by security cameras, there's not a single one outside where most of the action takes place.
So while our librarian enjoys reality television, anybody can open up somebody else's bag and help himself to whatever he/she pleases. The librarians blame the management, the management blames the idiot who was stupid enough to leave their bag outside the library (hel-lo? What are the cubicles for, then?) and the idiot blames the world in general for being greedy, callous, and so friggn' thoughtless.
I guess there's no point stressing the fact that most of us are Muslims and know perfectly well that stealing is against our religion; it's also futile pointing out that basic moral values dictates that what is not yours is not yours to pick up and take away. Aren't we taught that much in kindergarten? "Stealing is bad...stealing is wrong...stealing leads you to hell..."
Like I said, there's no point telling people who are already aware that stealing is a sin that it's a sin. But I'd like to warn people
- not to leave anything valuable outside the library cubicles
- keep locks on their bags if possible, and
- not to carry a lot of money around the campus.
Also, I think it's about time the management did something about the area around the library. If we're forbidden to bring our bags and folders inside, the least they can do is ensure that our belongings are completely safe outside. A properly placed security camera would at least provide an identity to the nameless, faceless specters haunting our campus halls.
The Book Club presented...!
The Friendly People of the Book Club (or the FPBC) presented "Murder on the Orient Express" this Friday in Lecture Room 2. Based on Agatha Christie's book of the same name, the film features probably fiction's greatest detective since Sherlock Holmes, Hercule Poirot.
Traveling on the Orient Express during winter, Hercule Poirot is caught in a snow drift with 12 potential murderers and is given 12 hours to find the actual killer.
The twist comes when it seems EVERYBODY wanted the victim (so-called victim; it seems he was a murderer himself) dead.
And thus we have a complete hotchpotch which is basically the trademark of all Christie's novels. Albert Finney is almost unrecognizable with Hercule Poirot's 'unmistakable' moustache, and the characters show more dimension then usual mystery novels allow.
Overall, the event was a success. The capacity of the room and the nature of the movie meant a limited (and even interested audience). It actually felt good to be able to watch and hear the movie, rather than watch the movie and hear the catcalls. One has to commend Ali Hakeem, he did one hell of a good job.
April 04, 2006
Nerd Speak
I wake up, head groggy with too much sleep or too little of it, I can’t tell. My mouth feels funny; I taste old food and dry saliva. I look in the mirror & see something that resembles a human being, getting wet doesn’t help.
I open the closet & decide what to wear. I already wore that last week. I don’t think anyone would have noticed but you can never tell…
I look back at the person staring back at me; a face that looks like it’s been seen unnecessarily too many times. I hate him already.
It’s seven in the morning but I already feel sick. The smoke in my face burns my eyes & I taste diesel. I destroy muscle trying to catch my ride but I still end up shelling out 50 to a sweaty-grinning-ruddy-faced pathan.
I get in the bus. Faces hit me like someone prodding an old wound. I sit down quickly and stare into space. When ever the bus jerked a little too much I prayed for a head on collision. A teacher splattered onto a wind shield, body parts of students cut up, flying debris, blood and oil, body fat on burnt ragzine, HEY have you seen that Chickni Bachi Yaar that looks like Sushmita! The Driver is still avoiding death so far, so I guess I’ll have to kill time by listening to this dude describing some chick’s butt. This is a Normal day.
“This is your life, and it’s ending one minute at a time.”
I shake hands with every Guy that gets on the bus after me. A ceremonial thing, maybe because it’s supposed to infuse a sense of brotherhood or something, I take their sweaty, dry or wet palms in a warm gesture of goodwill. God knows how many times they’ve dug into their nostrils with those?
After wasting two hours of my life and feeling my bladder begging for mercy with every lurch of the van, I run like HELL! Yesterdays feces and old urine hit my nose; I breathe with my mouth while a cockroach greets me by waving his feelers. The Graffiti tells me who’s hot and who’s a bitch so I have something to read. Not a bad way to start the morning, who says I don’t read? This is better then the Bullitin Board! And Entertaining!!
With every moment I’m on the look out, hoping no one will take a picture of me in the cubicle with his cell phone. I hear a shutter click; loud curses and it seems I’m safe for the day. Hair covered soap and a leaky faucet await me, while I steal another look at the monster. This is going to be a long day.